Do a quick online search for the resources available specifically for menopause help for partners? Seriously, go ahead. I’ll wait.
Well? I’m guessing you found information about libidos and vaginal dryness remedies. Which tells you a lot about what our society thinks us men are interested in. Now try looking for info about the menopause divorce rate. Uh huh!!
If you have a partner going through midlife perimenopause and menopause changes, I’m betting it impacts more than just your sex life am I right. And I bet you’d love to make it easier on her, if only you knew how. “Menopausal rage” might be a thing, but menopause and anger toward husbands don’t have to go together it’s wrong and society has made it normal for it to be acceptable or hidden.
Helping Partners with women in perimenopause and menopause…
I’ve talked to several men who’ve been through midlife with their partners, making them qualified to offer ideas on perimenopause and menopause help for men.
This is for all of you out there who are now or may one day be sharing life with a woman in perimenopause and menopause. Spoiler alert: You’re going to need some patience, love, and some courage. You’ve got this!
Tip #1 – Menopause Anger Toward Husbands
No, your perimenopause and menopause wife doesn’t hate you and Remember that her hormones are fluctuating a lot this is biological and hormones control so much of how the human body works and hormones control so much of the human body and how it works. For some it can be perimenopause and menopause mood swings, weight gain, painful sex, anxiety, and night sweats. And for others? Depression, loss of libido, hot flashes, and lower back pain in menopause and for others it can be all of the above and More! This can all add up to extreme fatigue (and we’re never our nicest when we’re tired) and loss of patience with someone (you) who doesn’t understand what a midlife woman is going through. How does this manifest? Rage directed at the ones we love the most (you). Your wife doesn’t want to be angry with you, but when you consider all of the above it’s easy to understand why she might be. No you’re not going to be able to fully understand where she’s coming from because she can’t understand herself, but trying to is a good place to start and it shows your wife that you not only want to help her but you will stick around and see things through.
Tip #2 – She might not tell you everything
perimenopause and menopause is still such a taboo subject that it can be hard to talk about. Even between intimate, long-term partners as this husband of 28 years said, “Don’t take it personally if she doesn’t want to share the details with you. What happened to her that day might be really embarrassing, like maybe she had a hot flash while training some 22-year-old intern be open to hearing it but also be open to not hearing it and it can depend on the day too, one day it’s humiliating, the next day it’s hilarious. Just try to go with it.”
Tip #3 – She may tell you things
“Be ready. You are going to hear some stuff. Discharge, heavy flow, boobs always sore, soaking through her pajamas with night sweats for us guys it can be hard to hear but you have to listen as hard as it is for you to hear it, she’s actually living it and that’s a whole lot harder.”
Listening when she needs to complain or just be frank about what’s happening is often the very best thing you can do. I understand squeamish but reacting negatively to her horrible menopause stories of heavy flow only embarrasses her and continues the stigma around women’s bodies and their natural functions.
“It’s not a disease – it’s biology,”. “You’re not going to catch menopause like the flu. The more you listen the more she’ll tell and the more you’ll understand and that makes it easier on both of you.”
Tip #4 – “Duck and cover” is not a option
The stereotype is for men to just keep their heads down and wait for the storm to blow over but the hormone fluctuations of perimenopause and menopause can last for years. “Know yourself and play to your strengths,” one man suggested. If you’re an open-and-empathetic guy, then really listen. If you’re more of a fix-it guy ask her for actual things you can do to help then do those things. Research hormone therapy, put fans in every room of the house, be ready to leave the party early if she sweats through her clothes (maybe it’s time to buy some menopause clothes). “Just don’t give advice, and don’t ignore the problem and hope it goes away.”
Tip #5 – Education helps
All our guys agreed on one thing: Learn stuff. (You’re off to an excellent start right here!) Check out the Supporting Partners of Menopause Blog do some reading. There is some very helpful information there from guys that have or are still going through this, but you may have to do a little reading for things that relate to your ordeal because it can be like i say different extremities for each person. I’m trying to set up Menopause Support Groups for Partners in many cities which can be a serious resource of education and support if you can talk about it get InTouch and I will support you through my organisation “Menopause Support for Partners”.